Month: September 2013

This can’t be happening!!!

Taura Khuluma Say it!!, , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Another week and loads more experiences to talk about!

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So this week I won’t complain about AirZim, even though it was the same old apologies routine from them. Unfortunately for me, I left my travel arrangements for the last minute and couldn’t get a seat from Harare to BYO so I booked myself onto Pathfinder. I have used it before and it went well so it wasn’t a terrible alternative to have. Well everything went as well as usual until 60kms from the destination. The bus ground to a halt and the attendant announced that there was a fault and the driver has gone to get a mechanic to get it fixed. Zimbabweans are a very patient bunch so we all waited waited without complaining and those that couldn’t wait got off the bus and jumped onto whatever stopped for them. I couldn’t bare the annoyance after the an hour and half so I asked for a number to call and rang everyone and their uncle at Pathfinder only to be told that the fault would be fixed in 20-30 minutes so we should wait! Never mind about a contingency plan should the mechanic fail to fix the fault. 2 hours later the driver comes back, pours diesel into the bus and off we went. Hang on!, did the bus just run out of diesel? Imagine that, the premier bus company in Zimbabwe which does 2 trips 2 times a day, everyday of the year and their bus runs out of diesel!!! How does that happen, Pathfinder?

And the big event of the week was some personal possessions of mine have finally arrived from England after sailing dates were cancelled, chopped and changed! They arrived in Namibia so my driver went to fetch my van laden with the said possessions and drove it to Plumtree. I had to meet him there so I could clear it and boy was it an education!!. The day was long, stressful and could have been expensive! Well it was expensive but could have been much worse. The first lesson was you need a good driver first of all, one who is well known at the border otherwise it could be 2-3 days there. Secondly, unlike what I had been told, claiming returning residency is not easy at all. You must prove all manner of things before they accept it so it’s not an option. Thirdly they don’t care what you say your vehicle is worth, it depends on what they find on Autotrader at that point that remotely resembles your car and is more expensive. The final lesson is even if you have been given the last stamp to get out, you can still be searched and be asked to pay more! You will need a lot of patience because you wait for everything and everyone! And you won’t make it anywhere without paying a bribe. Sometimes it’s the only way out and thank you to the officers at the border who took bribes from me, it was worth it!!! Yes, it does happen!

Lastly, some work related goings on. I have spent all week meeting people with potential projects for me to consider for funding and there is a death of meeting etiquette in this place. People don’t take serious shit seriously, I have grown tired of under dressed, under prepared and downright uninspiring people coming into share their dreams with me. The great shame is that some of the projects have a lot of potential. So I have been teaching people how to present themselves, their ideas and to think 360 degrees about the impact of their projects. Now, where else in the world would the person with the money tell them person who wants the money how to get the money? I want to help my kin folk but come on! Who do we blame though, for grossly under prepared graduates leaving university with degrees but little to offer the world? Is the government, the lecturers or the students? Why is this happening?

But it’s not all doom though, I have been compiling a catalogue so business opportunities for some of your to consider, I am just working on an investment vehicle that will manage the venture on behalf of investors. And, no! I don’t want to steal anyone’s money! You can keep your money if you don’t trust the scheme but there are areas in which a little investment and long term thinking can bring good returns to investors. We are capable of building businesses that are ethical and founded on trust. If you are into get rich quick, this won’t be for you.

This is Africa!

Taura Khuluma Say it!!, , , , , , , , 1 Comment

It’s been a month!, some times it has felt like a whole year and other times I have been left trying to catch my breath at being here. And on many occasions I have been told “chill out Taf, this is Africa!”. It’s funny how much of the africaness of Africa I had forgotten and the frustrations I have felt trying to change things to my suit my expectation especially with business contacts! So today to mark my one month in Africa I will share with you some “This is Africa” moments I have had so far, I hope I can remember them all!

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I suppose nothing about being in Africa screams it out as loud as remnants of colonialism and I stepped right back to Cecil J Rhodes’ days when I stopped at the Bulawayo Club. The nastiness of colonialism ain’t there any more, at least not visibly so. Just walking into the place made me go “WOW”, the wood panelled walls and resistance to modern norms was just amazing to see but the most peculiar thing about the Bulawayo Club is not the 1800s feel of the place but the fact that until 8 months ago women were not allowed in the bar! All women had to sit on the chairs outside the bar while their men drank from inside. Now if your history on Cecil J Rhodes is sound you might be able to understand why women weren’t allowed in a bar where gentlemen enjoyed each others company. That’s just my own conclusion! As of now women can enter the bar but must abide by a strict dress code, most of which sounds to me like no feminine sexuality allowed, still.

Because of business commitments in both Bulawayo and Harare I have done a fair bit of commuting on Air Zimbabwe between the cities. First of all, well done to AirZim for recognising that charging what people can afford puts bums on seats! Ever since the airline introduced the $61 one way ticket, flying is now a real option for many people. But, a big but! It is not OK to operate on the pretext that you can always apologise for being unprepared or under prepared? On every occasion that I have used the airline, 6 times in 30 days, they apologise for being late! How about making it an objective of everyone on a shift that you do everything possible so that you do not apologise for being let yet again. It is not OK to say sorry, not if you say it all the time!. There is an apologist mentality that allows for inadequate performance which must stop, SHAPE UP and do things right!

My imprisonment at the Holiday Inn came to an end a week ago, I was desperate to leave, nearly 4 weeks in hotels is no fun for anybody not least me with all my habits! I like what I like and after a week I had figure out I didnt like the long corridors of the hotel or the lack of choice in food, buffet every night is just laziness on the part of the chef or chefs! And at $26 at a time it’s daylight robbery. But its not just the Holiday Inn where things are inexplicably expensive, its everywhere! Now at the risk of sounding far removed from everyone’s reality here, beware, it’s my reality. Remember, I like what I like, so I went into a supermarket with a list of stuff to buy so I could make something to eat and this is what I found – 500G Mushrooms – $5.00, 500G Cucumber – $4.00, 12 Eggs – $2.50, 500G Butter – $6.50 (imported $12.00), 125G Cheese $3.55 and a non stick pan to make it all in $42.00. That has got to be the most expensive omelette you an make! Oh and the Plastic spatula to turn the omelette with $6.95! I have left a whole bunch of other stuff that added to my $195 trip to TM on my first day in my flat. Now I know regular families will not buy what I bought but still in a country where the average wage is $300, I am amazed the supermarkets sell anything at all. Even the less luxurious stuff is expensive but should it be?

Somewhere on this blog I once complained about timekeeping but that was just me on flying visits here. I have had to learn to tell time the Zimbabwean way. 3 minutes here is not three minutes at all whether it is social or business. 3 minutes ranges from 15 minutes to whatever minutes and even then you will still have to remind your appointment that you have been waiting for them since they said 3 minutes but it’s now 45 minutes. And, the will still say ” I am 3 minutes away!” When I make an issue about time, all I get is ” T.I.A – This is Africa”. But why do we accept it?

My last T.I.A moment was when I went to get satellite TV from DSTv. Forget phoning your provider, agreeing an installation time, they turn up with everything and when they leave you are connected. So I walk into their office and they sell me the set top box and they take my money for it but then tell me that for the subscription I must go to one of 7 banks and make a deposit then bring the deposit slip back to the office so that they could activate me. What about installation? “Well” say the least helpful front person ever “here is a list of 3rd party electricians that can do that for you if you have a satellite dish, if you don’t have a dish you should ask if the electiricans have dishes! But I have already paid for this other stuff and I am connected! The lady says “Well sir that’s how we do things here!” and I say “Fuck off this is rubbish, you are lucky no one can afford to give you competition otherwise you would be out of business!” I am the politest person in the world but they had pushed me too far. What did I pay for? I walked out dreading that I would not be able to watch the TV channels I had paid for but luckily I had a dish connected and didn’t need the engineers. But why do we put up with it?

Because this is Africa and I should stop trying to change this world because I will have a cardiac like the dear old English lady who has adopted me keeps telling me!