It’s been a month!, some times it has felt like a whole year and other times I have been left trying to catch my breath at being here. And on many occasions I have been told “chill out Taf, this is Africa!”. It’s funny how much of the africaness of Africa I had forgotten and the frustrations I have felt trying to change things to my suit my expectation especially with business contacts! So today to mark my one month in Africa I will share with you some “This is Africa” moments I have had so far, I hope I can remember them all!

I suppose nothing about being in Africa screams it out as loud as remnants of colonialism and I stepped right back to Cecil J Rhodes’ days when I stopped at the Bulawayo Club. The nastiness of colonialism ain’t there any more, at least not visibly so. Just walking into the place made me go “WOW”, the wood panelled walls and resistance to modern norms was just amazing to see but the most peculiar thing about the Bulawayo Club is not the 1800s feel of the place but the fact that until 8 months ago women were not allowed in the bar! All women had to sit on the chairs outside the bar while their men drank from inside. Now if your history on Cecil J Rhodes is sound you might be able to understand why women weren’t allowed in a bar where gentlemen enjoyed each others company. That’s just my own conclusion! As of now women can enter the bar but must abide by a strict dress code, most of which sounds to me like no feminine sexuality allowed, still.

Because of business commitments in both Bulawayo and Harare I have done a fair bit of commuting on Air Zimbabwe between the cities. First of all, well done to AirZim for recognising that charging what people can afford puts bums on seats! Ever since the airline introduced the $61 one way ticket, flying is now a real option for many people. But, a big but! It is not OK to operate on the pretext that you can always apologise for being unprepared or under prepared? On every occasion that I have used the airline, 6 times in 30 days, they apologise for being late! How about making it an objective of everyone on a shift that you do everything possible so that you do not apologise for being let yet again. It is not OK to say sorry, not if you say it all the time!. There is an apologist mentality that allows for inadequate performance which must stop, SHAPE UP and do things right!

My imprisonment at the Holiday Inn came to an end a week ago, I was desperate to leave, nearly 4 weeks in hotels is no fun for anybody not least me with all my habits! I like what I like and after a week I had figure out I didnt like the long corridors of the hotel or the lack of choice in food, buffet every night is just laziness on the part of the chef or chefs! And at $26 at a time it’s daylight robbery. But its not just the Holiday Inn where things are inexplicably expensive, its everywhere! Now at the risk of sounding far removed from everyone’s reality here, beware, it’s my reality. Remember, I like what I like, so I went into a supermarket with a list of stuff to buy so I could make something to eat and this is what I found – 500G Mushrooms – $5.00, 500G Cucumber – $4.00, 12 Eggs – $2.50, 500G Butter – $6.50 (imported $12.00), 125G Cheese $3.55 and a non stick pan to make it all in $42.00. That has got to be the most expensive omelette you an make! Oh and the Plastic spatula to turn the omelette with $6.95! I have left a whole bunch of other stuff that added to my $195 trip to TM on my first day in my flat. Now I know regular families will not buy what I bought but still in a country where the average wage is $300, I am amazed the supermarkets sell anything at all. Even the less luxurious stuff is expensive but should it be?

Somewhere on this blog I once complained about timekeeping but that was just me on flying visits here. I have had to learn to tell time the Zimbabwean way. 3 minutes here is not three minutes at all whether it is social or business. 3 minutes ranges from 15 minutes to whatever minutes and even then you will still have to remind your appointment that you have been waiting for them since they said 3 minutes but it’s now 45 minutes. And, the will still say ” I am 3 minutes away!” When I make an issue about time, all I get is ” T.I.A – This is Africa”. But why do we accept it?

My last T.I.A moment was when I went to get satellite TV from DSTv. Forget phoning your provider, agreeing an installation time, they turn up with everything and when they leave you are connected. So I walk into their office and they sell me the set top box and they take my money for it but then tell me that for the subscription I must go to one of 7 banks and make a deposit then bring the deposit slip back to the office so that they could activate me. What about installation? “Well” say the least helpful front person ever “here is a list of 3rd party electricians that can do that for you if you have a satellite dish, if you don’t have a dish you should ask if the electiricans have dishes! But I have already paid for this other stuff and I am connected! The lady says “Well sir that’s how we do things here!” and I say “Fuck off this is rubbish, you are lucky no one can afford to give you competition otherwise you would be out of business!” I am the politest person in the world but they had pushed me too far. What did I pay for? I walked out dreading that I would not be able to watch the TV channels I had paid for but luckily I had a dish connected and didn’t need the engineers. But why do we put up with it?

Because this is Africa and I should stop trying to change this world because I will have a cardiac like the dear old English lady who has adopted me keeps telling me!